Decisions

Every decision is to give up another,its a very basic theory of economics and about life...Every time we reach some turning points and have to decide on the things that we think we have to change.And usually,for me,not deciding something is but to give up another makes me feel nervous,i have to delete or remove or stop doing something and as most people agrees giving up habits is not something easy.By the time i was 18,mum was cancer and i decided to not to lean on anybody as there is a fact that we humankind is mortal,and thats like a rule in my life...This make me stronger and at the time more selfish and cold mannered which these two are my sacrife and being stronger is my reward.I was 12 when ppl humilated me for being ugly,and it was then i decided that people are too damn lazy to get to know someone but they do label you from the very first impression,and also they are mean cos for a 12 year old girl even if she is the ugliest creature in the world knowing that she is not beautiful is a big depression...By then i decided that i would be very careful with the people i know and never trust them totally...Well yes no more disappointment about people but guess what, i have lost my faith in most people...Of course there are some friends whom are nice and trustworthy but only a few.Ok this time i have to decide on whether to leave my family and shut the door behind me and get a life thats harsh but independent or i will wait for 2 or 3 years and live with my grandma and will wait for losing my sanity...what should i do?Among the all the decisions i have made so far,this one is the hardest,there are cons and pros and i totally dont know what to do...I hate it,being at this point not knowing what to do,feeling pathetic and a wrong step would fuck everything up...What should i do?